Of Daleks and Dinosaurs: The Adventures of Cutter & Song
by ebonyandunicorn
Summary: Helen Cutter is a scientist and explorer who swapped her marriage for a package tour in the Permian Era. River Song is an intrepid archaeologist serving twelve thousand life sentences in prison for the murder of her husband. When an anomaly opens in River's cell and Helen steps out, the two set off on an adventure through time and space, the likes of which neither have ever had.
1. 150 000 000 BCE, 5133 CE

**Northern Germany, Earth, c. 150 000 000 BCE**

Dawn had barely broken, but Helen Cutter was already on the move. Oversleeping could very possibly equal death when one's bed was in late-Jurassic Europe, and Helen had never been one for lounging around for half the morning. As the first rays of the sun sprinkled the tips of the conifers in their golden glow, Helen was already checking the third of a dozen snares she'd set up around her camp on the edge of the forest. The process took little over half an hour, but every one of them turned up empty.

Helen sat back on a rocky outcropping and pulled her water bottle from her backpack, taking a long drink as she wiped the sweat from her forehead. It was only her fourth day in the forest, and already the few mammals that were around had learned to stay away. She marvelled at their keen senses even as her stomach grumbled. They were so much more alert than the mammals of her present... especially the humans that had the audacity to consider themselves the top of the food chain.

With a short sigh, Helen stood up and tucked her water bottle away. It was close to empty, so she began to make her way down to the lake to refill it. Animals came to drink from it regularly, but they were mostly sauropods and iguanodons, or else turkey-sized theropods. Most of the bigger dinosaurs were still sluggish this early in the morning, so Helen had no trouble reaching the lake. Once she'd filled the bottle, though, she decided it was time to move on. The Jurassic period was interesting enough, but she'd spent a lot of time in it lately, and she was craving a new adventure. First, though, she wanted breakfast.

There was a flock of _Archaeopteryx _that made their home on the far side of the lake. Birds weren't as hard to prepare as mammals, and Helen had patience and excellent hand-eye coordination. As she walked around the lake towards the nest, she fished her rope sling out and picked up several good-sized rocks. She loaded the sling and began to twirl it lazily by her side, her ears pricked for any sign of danger, always glancing left and right as she walked.

Her eyes were very good. She spotted the flock nesting in their usual tree, not too far up from the ground – _Archaeopteryx _were only capable of weak flight, something Helen planned to use to her advantage. Still she was looking all around, left and right for enemies, down to watch her step, up to watch her prey. She was ten yards away, then five. She moved very slowly, breathing quietly and evenly through her nose, the sling spinning rapidly and silently by her side. In her left hand she drew her knife.

One of the _Archaeopteryx_ lifted its head, its mouth opening slightly to reveal its sharp teeth. It spread its wings and croaked an alarm. Instantly, Helen's arm was up and the rock shot from the sling, flying at high speed through the trees, towards the bird. It caught it on the wing – not quite what Helen had been aiming for, but with enough force to knock the bird from its perch. Helen was already running, transferring her knife to her right hand. As the _Archaeopteryx_ righted itself and prepared to take flight, she threw the knife, this time with perfect accuracy. The rest of the flock screeched and fled, but she had already made her kill.

After plucking, cooking and eating the _Archaeopteryx_, Helen set off to find an anomaly. By midday, though, she had grown tired of searching. She hated using the detector – she kept it for emergencies only – but it was an unseasonably warm day and she'd been wandering through the forest for hours. The anomaly she'd come through four days ago had disappeared long ago, and she had no way of knowing how far away the next one was. Plus, she had the taste of feathers in her mouth. And she would _kill _for a shower.

Helen sighed and paused, shrugging her backpack off her shoulders, when she heard a rustle from one of the trees up ahead. Another flock of _Archaeopteryx _had taken flight, screeching concerned calls. Helen frowned and swung her backpack back on, making her way slowly over to the site, one hand, as always, on her knife.

In a small clearing that opened out a little further on, an anomaly had appeared. It shimmered gently in the air before her, oddly silent; there couldn't have been much going on on the other side. Helen grinned and checked the clearing briefly for any sign of predators before approaching the anomaly. With her knife gripped tightly in her right hand, she waved goodbye to the late Jurassic and stepped through.

* * *

**Stormcage Containment Facility, Stormcage, 5133 CE**

Perhaps it was early morning, or perhaps it was late at night. The ceaseless rain and sterile prison atmosphere made it difficult to tell at times. River Song wasn't terribly bothered; she didn't take knowing what year it was for granted, let alone what time of day. The bench on which she sat was cold and hard and uncomfortable, but she'd grown used to it by now. She was leafing idly through her TARDIS diary. It was a little frayed around the edges now, a little faded, but it contained the most important memories of her life.

Footsteps sounded in the corridor outside and River looked up hopefully, but it was only a guard patrolling past her door. He didn't look into the cell as he walked, and River slumped against the wall, closing the diary. She didn't know what time of day it was, but she knew it had been weeks since the Doctor had last sprung her from her cell to take her on an adventure. She was mind-numbingly bored. It was, River decided, past time she concocted her own escape plan.

The moment the thought crossed her mind, a rip in the fabric of space-time appeared in the centre of her cell.

River blinked, standing up slowly from her bench, the diary clasped tightly in her hands. She stared at the shimmering portal, walked in a slow circle around it, reached out to touch it. It seemed to pass through her, and at the same time, she passed right through it. There was a soft whispering emanating from it, and she instinctively knew that it led to somewhere very, very far away. "Oh, Doctor," she said quietly, "what have you done this time?"

Just as she completed her circle of the portal, someone ran through it.

Human, female, perhaps thirty or forty years of age, she was dressed in clothes that looked very well-worn and not a little ragged. She had a backpack over her shoulders and a bandanna around her neck. She also, River noticed, had a knife in her hand. River took a slow step backwards, and the woman turned to face her.

"Who are you?" Her voice was low and soft.

River raised an eyebrow. "I would think it ought to be me asking the questions, seeing as it's you intruding upon my cell."

"A cell?" The woman looked around. "Where is this? What year is it?"

"Well, well," River murmured. "It seems I'm not the only one who loses track occasionally. Did the Doctor send you?"

"Who?" The confusion on her face was clear to see. River slipped the diary inside her jacket.

"Put the knife down," she instructed. The woman obeyed, holding it by her side. Her gaze darted all around, to the walls and ceiling and floor of the cell, to River, to the bars that separated them from the outside, to the shimmering time portal, to River again. "My name is Dr River Song," River continued. "I'm an archaeologist... and a convicted murderess." She grinned. "This is the Stormcage Containment Facility. I'm _very _curious as to how you made it in here."

"Helen Cutter," was the terse response. She sheathed her knife. "Who did you kill?"

"The greatest man in the universe," River replied. "Otherwise known as my husband." This time it was Helen's turn to raise an eyebrow. "Long story," River said. "It's approximately 5133 in Earth years, if I remember rightly. When are you from?"

"Late Jurassic," Helen replied. "Actually, I should be getting back. Prison isn't really my thing."

"Nor mine," River said quickly. "You should take me with you."

Helen stared at her.

River gave a short laugh and folded her arms. "I'm an archaeologist, remember? I'm not going to be scared of a few dinosaurs. Quite frankly, Helen Cutter, I'm going absolutely crazy locked up in here. Disappearing through a portal in time is much easier than breaking out. I'd be interested to know exactly how one of these... things comes into existence, too. As would the Doctor, I'm sure."

"They're called anomalies," Helen said slowly.

"Is that so? How interesting. I've never seen one before – and believe me, I have a fair amount of experience at travelling through time."

"How, if not through an anomaly?"

River simply smiled. "I have my ways," she replied enigmatically. "I could show you... if you'd take me along."

Helen considered her for a long moment. Eventually, she drew her knife again. River tensed up, and Helen let out a barking laugh. "Relax, Dr Song. Just a precaution." She turned her back on the cell and faced the anomaly, then glanced over her shoulder. "You coming?"

"Oh yes." River blew her beloved cell a kiss, and followed Helen through the portal in time.


	2. 150 000 000 BCE

**Northern Germany, Earth, c. 150 000 000 BCE**

"Welcome to the late Jurassic," Helen announced as they stepped into the clearing. "Do a lot of archaeologists in the fifty-first century get a chance to do this sort of thing?"

"No." River's voice was awed as she looked around. "Even I've never been this far back before."

"Well, there's a first time for everything," Helen said with a grin. She sheathed her knife. "We should be fairly safe here – I've only seen one _Saltriosaurus_, and he was far enough away to outrun." She glanced over her shoulder as if to size up the other woman. "You do know what a _Saltriosaurus_ is, right? Like an _Allosaurus_, but –"

"The European version. Yes, I know, dear. I did study archaeology at the best university on the moon."

"The moon?" Helen repeated. "Right. Fifty-second century. You'll have to forgive me; it's not often I meet someone from the future. Someone human, anyway." She grinned and gestured for River to follow her. "Come on. We need to find another anomaly. The Jurassic is really quite dull after a while, especially the Tithonian."

River obediently fell in behind Helen, still looking around in wonder as they walked. "So," she began, "what exactly are these anomalies?"

"Oh, you don't have those in your time? I guess the moon university didn't teach you everything, then," Helen said with a smirk. Her voice was soft and her footsteps softer; she moved through the forest with ease. "I'm surprised that the majority of humans still aren't clued in by then. Well, Dr Song, you saw your first anomaly just now. They're time portals – and space portals, too. Where exactly is the Stormcage Facility located?"

"In a mostly uninhabited sector of the Andromeda Galaxy," River replied. "Nasty little place. Always rains. Terrible for mobile phone reception."

Helen stopped in her tracks, turning her head to stare. "The Andromeda Galaxy?"

"Oh, you don't have those in your time?" River mocked. "We've been in Andromeda since the thirtieth century. I'm guessing you don't usually go planet-hopping through these anomalies of yours, then."

"No, I don't," Helen replied frankly. "I can't always get dates and exact locations in the future, but I'm fairly certain I've never been to a different galaxy."

River's eyes sparkled. "You're in for a treat, then. Tell me more about the anomalies." She brushed a stray curl out of her eyes.

"Well," Helen said, turning to continue leading them through the forest, "nobody's really sure what they are. I don't think there's ever been a period in time when the whole world has been aware of them – I think most governments of the world cover up their existence. Few people know what they are, let alone how to find or open them."

"But you do," River guessed.

"Yep." Helen grinned.

"How did you figure it out?"

"I cheated," was the casual reply. "I travelled to the future and stole their technology."

"So you're a thief," River said.

Helen paused again to look over her shoulder. _"You_," she said accusingly, "were in prison for murder."

"A misunderstanding." River waved a hand. "He and I both know what really went on."

"Right." Helen didn't sound convinced. As they resumed walking, she continued. "I only take what I need to survive. Clothes, food, tools. The detector is only for emergencies. It feels like cheating, otherwise."

"Cheating?"

Helen nodded. "It takes more than muscles or book smarts to survive in prehistory, Dr Song. It's a hostile environment where nothing will think twice about killing you. You have to be resourceful. You have to use your... _instincts_." A slow smile spread across her face. "By my century, human beings have become... lax. They've as good as lost all sense of smell and hearing; they're physically unfit... It's a lack of predators that prompts such laziness, of course, but that doesn't make it excusable. One day, a more successful species will rise and take our place, and then humanity will realise its mistake. Our reliance on technology has made us weak, Dr Song. Weakness in these times results in certain death."

She smirked over her shoulder at River, raising an eyebrow. "Are you still glad you chose to tag along?"

River Song folded her arms, smirking right back. "Why, Helen, from what you've said, the fun is just beginning."

* * *

"Your turn," Helen said in her soft voice, ducking deftly beneath a low-hanging branch. "You said you have time-travelling experience. How is that possible if you've never seen an anomaly before?"

River caught the branch as it swung back towards her face, clucking her tongue at the lack of manners. "That, my dear," she said, "is a long story."

"We've got all of time," Helen pointed out.

River laughed. "All right, then. When you put it that way... Let's just say the universe is a very different place in the fifty-second century. There are all kinds of ways to travel through time. Some lucky beings have the natural ability, but you mere humans have to use some form of technology."

"_We _mere humans?" Helen repeated.

River only smiled enigmatically. "Some devices are notoriously unreliable," she went on, "often with amusing or catastrophic side-effects. Others – mostly alien inventions – are a little more dependable. Emphasis on _a little_."

"How do you do it, then?"

"Oh, I've used my fair share of unreliable technology," River answered. "Time travel is a messy thing. If you aren't careful, you can create temporal paradoxes, rewrite history, or even collapse all of reality into a single point." She smiled cheerily. "It really is every bit as fun as it sounds."

"I know," Helen replied.

River tilted her head. "Brings a question to mind. How long have you been travelling through the anomalies?"

"I have no idea," Helen answered. "I'd guess it to be about six years, but I didn't keep track for a while in the beginning. It's not easy when you're moving in and out of time periods every other –"

She broke off, holding up a hand. River froze, her ears pricked for any sound, her eyes darting around as much as they could without her moving. "Listen," Helen whispered. River closed her eyes. The faintest gentle whispering brushed against her ears.

"An anomaly," River said. Helen pointed through the trees to where the occasional snatch of silver shimmer could be seen. The two women approached it slowly, both on the lookout for predators, but they saw none. "Do you know where it leads?" River asked.

"I haven't the faintest idea," Helen replied. "Shall we find out?"


	3. 1919 CE

**England, Earth, 1919 CE**

The anomaly opened up into a small indoor space and promptly disappeared behind them, leaving them stranded. Helen and River both looked at the space where the anomaly had been floating for a moment, then exchanged glances, then grinned. It was a challenge, then, and a challenge was what they loved.

They squinted around at their surroundings as their eyes adjusted to the dim light. River reached out and ran a hand along the wall as Helen crept forward slowly, her knife held out in front of her. "It's stone," River said quietly, her voice echoing in the small space. "We're in some sort of medieval building. Maybe a castle."

"This way." Helen had found the entranceway of the small corridor in which they stood; River followed her and they emerged into a cobblestoned street in the middle of the night, lit only by the light of a sliver moon. "Any idea where we are?" Helen asked softly, watching her companion look around with a frown on her face. A moment later, River nodded and spoke.

"This is the Tower of London."

Helen raised an eyebrow. "What year is it?"

"Early twentieth century, I believe," River replied, craning her neck to look at the top of the building that towered over them. "After the First World War, but not by much."

"Well then," Helen said. "We should do our best not to get caught and exec – where are you going?"

River had begun walking unhurriedly away from her, glancing all around as though she were nothing more than another tourist admiring the architecture. At Helen's question, River turned and grinned. "Why, my dear," she replied whimsically, "I'm going to break into the Royal Armoury."

It wasn't often that somebody took Helen by surprise, but River Song was having this effect on her more and more. She didn't appreciate it. Hurrying after River before she got them both arrested and executed on Tower Hill, Helen said quietly, "I have a knife, and it's not like we're going to come face-to-face with a pack of dinosaurs in twentieth-century London. If anything goes wrong, you can always just run."

"Bless you," River said fondly, "you sound just like my husband." She made an abrupt turn into another small corridor embedded in a wall and froze.

"Who's there?" barked a voice. Helen flattened herself against the wall, cursing River's carelessness.

"Oh, hello, love," River said sweetly. "Don't mind me. I'm just having a bit of a look around."

"You shouldn't be here." Listening carefully, Helen identified the voice as young, male, and new to his job. They were lucky. If the guard had been more experienced or prone to a shoot-first, ask-questions-later attitude, at least one if not both of them would now be dead. She had no doubt that the man carried a gun.

"I know, I know." River's voice dripped remorse. "I was taking a walk – the city is _so_ lovely at night, wouldn't you agree? – and I just saw the beautiful towers and I thought, _I wonder if they look as pretty close up_? So, naturally, I had to come and take a peek."

"I'm going to have to arrest you," the man said.

"I'm sure you are, dear," River replied. "Would you just give me a moment to straighten up before you do? I wouldn't want to meet the captain of the guard looking anything less than my best." Helen's curiosity won out against her cautiousness and she peered around the corner to watch River pull a tube of lipstick from her pocket and carefully apply it to her lips. Helen stared at her, wondering if she was insane.

"There, now. Come closer and you can handcuff me right up." She held out her wrists to the man, who replaced his pistol into its holster and pulled out a pair of cuffs. As he stepped forward, River did the same and pressed her lips to his. "That's for being so gentle and kind."

Helen was seriously considering taking her chances alone when the man suddenly turned away from River and whipped out his pistol, pointing it into thin air. "Who's there?" he shouted. "I heard that. Show yourself!"

River took her chance to slip away, and Helen followed.

"Hallucinogenic lipstick," River explained as they crept up a flight of stairs.

Helen was impressed. "When do they invent that?"

"Oh, don't ask me. I think it's not human, and I _know_ it's not legal." She gave her trademark smirk and slowed as they approached a door. Moving silently, River extracted a piece of paper from her pocket, kissed the bottom corner, and marched casually through the door.

"Relax, boys, just a routine inspection," Helen heard her say. "Joan Grey, Assistant to the Clerk of the Deliveries of the Ordnance. We've heard some reports of suspicious activity among the armoury guards. You wouldn't happen to know anything about certain dice games among the watch late at night?"

"N-no ma'am," Helen heard one of the guards stammer. "We're always on our best – best behaviour, with none o' this dicin' and this drinkin' that you're speakin' of –"

"Drinking, hmm?" River purred. "I don't recall saying anything of drinking. Is there something you wanted to tell me, sir?"

"Now you've done it," one of the other guards said under his breath.

River sighed theatrically. "Well, my dears. How about this: you show me where you keep your drinks and your dice, and I'll let you off with only a warning?"

"Right over here, ma'am," the first guard said quickly. The sound of footsteps gradually receded and Helen slipped into the room after them. Four men and River were crouched over a hole in the floorboards. All around them were glass cases that held a dozen different kinds of weapons, ranging from wooden spears to burnished metal pistols. Helen drew a thin piece of steel from her pocket and slid it into the lock of the nearest glass case, standing in shadow as much as she could. River and the guards were talking animatedly now; a small pop proclaimed the uncorking of one of the bottles.

The glass swung open soundlessly and Helen, glancing over her shoulder every few moments, liberated two pistols and the bullets she hoped went with them. Closing the case but not bothering to lock it, she crossed the room silently and did the same to a case on the opposite wall, this time taking two knives. When that was done she exited the room and waited in shadow, a pair of knives and two guns in her hands.

River said something amusing and the guards howled with laughter, clinking their glasses together and downing drink after drink. Helen began tapping her foot soundlessly on the wooden floor of the armoury. She could be patient, but this was bordering on ridiculous. Evidently River didn't trust her to get the job done quickly. Once again, she began to consider leaving River and striking out on her own.

"Well," River announced at last, "I really must be going, my good men. Thanks ever so for your hospitality. I will have to take the bottles, though," she added as a rueful afterthought. "Ah, well. It's been fun! I won't report you to the authorities, just this once. We'll keep it our little secret, hm?" After another few moments River walked through the door, juggling two bottles of wine in each hand. "Oh, you're a good girl," she said fondly when she saw what Helen was carrying. "Here: I'll take one of those and one of those, and we can stash these in your bag for later... well, one of them, at least." When both women had taken a pistol and a knife and Helen's pack was weighed down by a bottle of wine, they trotted down the stairs and out into the night in search of another adventure.


End file.
